Oh, so sad. The house's septic system is troubled. There's a blockage between the septic tank and the leach fields, and we need to find it. Here's Jason digging a trench to nowhere. This picture was taken pretty early on. He dug another five feet after this was taken, which took another day and a half due to the insane network of ancient oak tree roots that he had to cut up and take out. All for nought, we subsequently learned that the pipe we were trying to expose had been abandoned nearly 20 years ago. We had to find the new pipe. So we started digging in the opposite direction.
See that terrible cave underneath the concrete that we dug out? I had to crawl in there to search for the elusive new pipe. Just me, a trowel, and a tiny flashlight. And dirt and roots and dirt. But I found it. Guess which direction it was going in?
If you ever want to really come face-to-face with your finite resource consumption (specifically that of water for household use), try living in a mountain home with an out-of-commission septic system. We generally try to conserve water -- and gas, and electricity -- at home on a day-to-day basis, but this is ridiculous. Because we need for the pipe between the tank and the leach field to be empty in order to fix the system, we emptied the tank a week ago, and we need to keep it from filling up all the way to the pipe-line in the mean time. We're using as little water as possible when we do dishes, flushing infrequently (GROSS), and not using the shower at all. I've been showering at the gym, Jason's even resorted to "showering" in the yard with the garden house (don't laugh it wasn't funny yes it was okay I laughed). It's a good thing our washing machine is hooked up to a grey water system, if not I'd be washing laundry in a bucket in the yard. MOUNTAIN LIVING.
If we're to look on the bright side, it's so far been an incredible learning experience. I know all kinds of things about double-chamber septic tanks and distribution boxes and leach fields and aerobic vs. anaerobic systems and etc. etc. etc. One evening, as I was gazing down on the sinister cement hatch covering the septic tank's output from the kitchen, I had a single, perfect Murder She Wrote realization:
The best place to rid oneself of a dead body? A septic tank. A terrible, stinky, watery grave, with loads of anaerobic bacteria to speedily reduce the corpse to sludge. You're welcome. And, of course, the best time to dump a body in a septic tank is when the outlet's already been dug up for maintenance reasons. It's the only way to not arouse suspicions. Jason is not amused.
Wish us luck.
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